


Covered In Bees (and Kisses

by Esyla



Series: You Don't Have To Be Insane in the Inquisition, But It Helps [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Canon Rewrite, Dancing, F/M, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Inquisitor YES, THE KITTENS ARE BACK
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 18:12:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3178214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esyla/pseuds/Esyla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The kittens get named. Some Dancing happens. Dorian considers death by cat smothering. Cullen has feelings. Illya thinks she has heartburn but it's actually feelings. Solas needs someone to make sure his ribs aren't cracked. The blacksmith cleans out the bank.</p><p>---------</p><p>Josephine as gathered the entire ‘Inner Circle’ or ‘What Illya brings home instead of supplies’ in the great hall. She stands on the dais looking worried over the group.</p><p>“Today we are having dancing lessons.” Josephine tells a now groaning assembly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Covered In Bees (and Kisses

**Author's Note:**

> Not Beta-ed.

Cullen woke up to five sets of tiny paws beating an off rhythm tempo on this chest. He expected to feel like he hadn’t gotten any sleep with the near constant interruptions of the kittens but in fact he felt fully rested and refreshed. The sixth kitten that was currently trying to create a nest out of his hair let Cullen know it’s displeasure at the nest being removed.

“I am going to have to name you aren’t I?” Cullen asked six expectant pairs of yellow and blue eyes.

“Meow.”

“I don’t suppose you would all enjoy military titles?” A tiny set of claws dug into his thigh to let him know that they most certainly were not on board with that plan.

The kittens end up being named by the group mostly. Varric names the black one Hawke and laughs to himself all day about that. The orange one gets named Bees by general agreement mostly because the kitten appears to greatly enjoy being thrown at other people and something about Sera and now half the Inquisition is running around throwing a kitten at people yelling “COVERED IN BEES!”

The two striped kittens end up being named Noodle and Beer due to some kind of incident in the kitchen. They are the two hungriest of the the kittens and Cullen supposes it makes sense. The grey kitten seems to be rather fond of Illya and she chooses to name it THE DREAD WOLF. She is very clear that the name is to be spelled in capital letters. Solas tells her that is a poor name for a cat. Illya throws Bees at him in response. Cullen is pretty sure that he won’t be naming any of the kittens.

“May I present Ser Pounce, Knight Commander of the Inquisition.” Illya gives a little flourish before setting the kitten that is patchy in color on his desk. It’s the one that likes to sleep in his hair.

“A fierce warrior indeed.” Cullen agrees as the kitten bats at his papers.

“He is very loyal to his commander.” Illya scratches the kitten on his little head.

“Ser Pounce does enjoy sleeping in my hair.” Cullen admits. Illya looks confused.

“I was talking about the Hart.”

“What?”

“I named my Hart Commander.”

“WHat?”

“It was Bull’s idea.”

“WHAt?”

“I’m not changing it!”

“WHAT?”

“BYE!”

Cullen looked at the kitten who was now trying to eat the report about the missing troops in the Fallow Mire.

“She does this on purpose.” Ser Pounce hiccuped and sat down in response. “Good recruit.”

Josephine as gathered the entire ‘Inner Circle’ or ‘What Illya brings home instead of supplies’ in the great hall. She stands on the dais looking worried over the group.

“Today we are having dancing lessons.” Josephine tells a now groaning assembly. “We need to attend the ball at the Winter Palace in order to stop the assassination attempt. All of you at some point will be asked to dance.” There is a snort. “Ever you Sera.” The elf frowns. “We are going to have everyone take a turn with my self of Vivienne to assess your skills.” Cullen would rather fight a horde of red templars.

It goes about as well as when Iron Bull threw Sera. Fine at first and then explosions. Cullen remembers enough to not completely damage Josephine’s toes and at least he doesn’t have to practice with Vivienne. Dorian is apparently a renowned dancer and takes Vivienne through a series of dips and twists that look painful. Sera refuses until Josephine promises, something, Cullen hadn’t been listening. He had been wrapped up in watching Illya try to teach Sola how to dance.

“I dont think that…” The mage looks like he is going to continue to argue.

“It’s like fighting only without weapons.” Illya interrupts. “Also we shall learn a lot during our time at court. Don’t you want to see if you can learn something there? Take a nap? See the fade?” Illya has elbowed Solas so hard he is literally moving every time she hits him.

“Perhaps the Commander would make a better dance partner.” Solas offered dodging another elbow. Illya turned and looked at Cullen who was surprised to see that she was blushing. Feeling bold he held out his hand and bowed to her.

“Don’t think Josephine is going to let you out of practicing.” Illya told Solas over her shoulder with a curtsy to Cullen. He held his hands out to her and she stepped into his embrace with a practiced elegance.

“You know this dance.” Cullen accused in a whisper.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Illya’s breath brushed his cheek.

They joined the others in the series of movements but Cullen could barely see the others. It was as he was in a dream because the world seemed to fall away behind him and leave only Illya and he dancing. It felt like a shock when the music ended and there was clapping.

“Good to see you two can at least be trusted not to embarrass us.” Josephine patted both of them. “Now go train the others.” And then Cullen was consumed with trying to teach Iron Bull to dance. It was a bit of a disaster. Bruises were involved. At one point Cullen just gave up and hoped that Josephine had the skills to handle that mess.

Only the heat in his hand and on his shoulder didn’t leave him. He could feel the ghost of Illya against him. This is getting out of hand.

****  
  


“Hiding here with The Dread Wolf isn’t going to solve any problems.” Dorian told her. Illya was currently trying to merge with the chair and bring the kitten with her. The sun was warm and she felt like having a little cat nap.

“I am not trying to solve anything currently. Things are either being handled or have to wait until after the party.” Illya told him. Dorian didn’t look convinced and threw a book at her.

“Oh really. And what was that earlier during dancing?” Dorian accused.

“Nothing.”

“Oh no my dear. I showed you my cards. Time to reveal your hand.” Dorian took the kitten in retaliation and the traitorous feline curled up in his arms and resumed purring.

“I think I like Cullen.” Illya offered tentatively.

“Yes we are all very aware of that.” Dorian ruffled her hair. “So what do you plan to do about it?”

“Isn’t that his job?” Illya shrugged. “Normally they kind of just…” she motioned at her feet, “show up and proclaim feelings for me.” Dorian looked speechless.

“You’re serious.”

“Well the last three or five have gone that way.” Illya huffed. “But all he does is get mad at me and then be nice and then be weird. And then let me win that game.” Dorian buried his face in The Dread Wolf with a sigh.

“I am going to smother myself just to stop this nonsense.” The mage told her muffled through fur.

“Well what do you suggest I do?” Illya really had no idea.

“Why not go talk to the man? And try to use any of the following words: I LIKE YOU CULLEN.” Dorian told the cat’s fur.

“UGH. FINE!”

“Good Luck Getting A Boyfriend!” Dorian called after her.

There is a commotion outside his office.

“Inquisitor No!” Came shouts.

“Inquisitor YES!” Illya shouted back. Cullen didn’t want to know. Knowing would make it worse. Knowing meant he had to worry about whatever insane thing she was doing now. He opened the door. Illya was balancing on the battlements doing cartwheels inches from a fall to certain death.

“Illya!” He shouted on instinct and thanked the maker that she had the reflexes of a cat to not topple over in surprise.

“Hi Cullen.” Illya smiled and jumped down with a little twist.

“You delight in giving the soldier's heart attacks.” Cullen accused the smiling elf.

“Do you have a minute to talk?” Illya asked with a lick of her lips.

“Of course,” Cullen motioned to his office.

“I was thinking more private and less likely to be interrupted.” Illya gave him a shy smile and he could feel his face turn bright red.

“Yes, of course.” Cullen couldn’t believe this was happening. Well I could believe it. It was just not at all how he imagined it would go. Which was probably why that came out of his mouth. Or something resembling his thought after of course he mentioned the weather like a complete dolt. What was he thinking? They had a war to fight.

“And yet, I am still here.” Illya made it sound like she was hitting him over the head. Maker he loved this woman. And on that insane personal revelation he leaned in.

“Commander!” Cullen was going to kill that scout. Illya looked on the verge of giggles. He could stand her giggles. She didn’t laugh with adorable bell like sounds but instead tended to hiccup and snort her way through laughter. It was awful. And he loved it.

There must have been murder on his face because the scout backed away looking scared. Illya was barely containing a hiccup.

“If you need to…” Illya began.

Nope. Done. No more. His brain shouted. Waiting over.

He might have been a little forceful with the kiss. But after a moment Illya was doing that thing where she used her nails to remove his flesh and it was amazing. He knew his hair was going to be a mess. Illya delighted in destroying his hair.

“I’m sorry.” Cullen felt a bit ashamed at the force he had just used.

“I’m not.” Illya yanked his face back to her’s by his ears. “More please.”

“Of course Inquisitor.”

“Oh dirty talk.”

“I didn’t…”

“Put your hand back on my ass commander.”

“Yes.”

****  
  
  


“Pay up.” The Blacksmith told Varric that night at dinner. There was no arguing at the truly massive hickey that the commander was sporting. Or the one on Illya’s right ear tip. Also four scouts had confirmed that they had spent at least an hour ‘necking’ on the battlements before some one had been forced to separate the two for the sake of everyone's decency.

“How did you even?” Varric had to ask the man.

“This isn’t my first military campaign.” The blacksmith shrugged. “I lost the bets on the Hero of Ferelden by three weeks.”

“Damn.” Varric had heard a bit about that recently. Hawke’s friend Alistair tended to get chatty when drunk about his amazing wife and her badass archdemon killing skills.

“I bet higher this time.” The blacksmith took his rather large winnings and left.

Well at least Cullen and Illya seemed happy. In that they still were yelling at each other at the table but about half way through Illya climbed over the table to climb Cullen.

“We will never be able to host nobles again.” Josephine cried into her wine.

“Yes but at least she never stabbed him.” Varric offered rubbing the advisor’s back.

* * *

****THE KITTENS!

[Hawke](http://images.forwallpaper.com/files/images/e/e7ed/e7ed73f0/578517/black-kitten.jpg)

[Bees](http://www.catster.com/files/my-first-cat-orange-tabby-kitten.jpg)

[Noodle](http://www.friendly-paws.ca/plugins/p17_image_gallery/images/168.jpg)

[Beer](http://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbnails/200152-bigthumbnail.jpg)

[THE DREAD WOLF](http://kittenphotos.net/albums/userpics/10001/normal_Grey%20sweetheart%20with%20golden%20eyes.jpg)

[Ser Pounce ](http://animaljamwallpaper.info/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/baby-kitten-for-sale-calico-kittens-for-sale-cats-wallpaper-hd-pictures-768x1024.jpg)

**Author's Note:**

> BACKGROUND TIME!
> 
> Once upon a time my good friend Allyarra (if you are in the Teen Wolf fandom you know her name means tears and suffering) got this hilarious idea of a Pacific Rim AU where everything was the same but Raleigh had a cat named Noodle who was actually the spawn of the devil when he wasn't around. It was never finished. I AM STILL MAD ABOUT THAT. So one of the kittens is named Noodle just so she knows I have never forgotten this slight.
> 
> Also if you laugh at the Covered in Bees! joke for the right reasons we are now best friends I hope that's cool. 
> 
> I promise I am getting around to sexy times. I am just having way too much fun writing all the dumb shit that happens that we don't normally see. I need more of that in my life.


End file.
